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Literature Text
While in the waiting room, she opened the letter written with her now dead sister's handwriting and silently read it. It read;
"Dear Samantha,
Now that I am gone you need to move on and be happy. You can stop worrying about me, and start worrying about yourself but, I see it only fair that you know the events leading up to this point. I'll write it as a story. Anyway, here goes:
She stood, dressed in black as they lowered her parents into the ground. Family members and friends hugged her and her older sister, Samantha, as they both just stood under the big redwood tree, overcome with grief. When the funeral was over, the girl's older sister led her to the car. The girl hesitated then stepped into the car, her expression unchanging. Her sister got into the front then put her seat belt on and proceeded to put her key in the ignition. Samantha looked into the rear-view mirror to check the cars behind her and then glanced at her sister.
"Alice, please put your seat belt on," Samantha said softly.
Alice put on her seatbelt silently, unable to argue. Samantha backed up out of the parking spot and drove to their house. When they walked into the house their nostrils filled with the smell of flowers except the smell wasn't as calming as one would think. It reminded them of death. Just a week ago their parents had died in a horrible car crash. None of their relatives wanted to take two grieving sisters in. Samantha had just turned nineteen years old and taken full custody of Alice. The house they used to call their home was now filled with moving boxes and flowers.
"Once we've changed out of these clothes I'll take you to dinner. Wherever you want," said Samantha to her sister.
"I'm not hungry," replied Alice as she walked up the stairs to her room.
"You have to eat, keep up your strength. How about we go to Taco-Bell? You know, like old times," Samantha said, forcing a smile.
"Alright," Said Alice softly, "after we change".
After a few minutes they walked down the stairs in different clothes. Alice walked to the door, holding it open for her sister. Samantha grabbed her keys off the counter-top, and hurried out the door.
"Dear Samantha,
Now that I am gone you need to move on and be happy. You can stop worrying about me, and start worrying about yourself but, I see it only fair that you know the events leading up to this point. I'll write it as a story. Anyway, here goes:
She stood, dressed in black as they lowered her parents into the ground. Family members and friends hugged her and her older sister, Samantha, as they both just stood under the big redwood tree, overcome with grief. When the funeral was over, the girl's older sister led her to the car. The girl hesitated then stepped into the car, her expression unchanging. Her sister got into the front then put her seat belt on and proceeded to put her key in the ignition. Samantha looked into the rear-view mirror to check the cars behind her and then glanced at her sister.
"Alice, please put your seat belt on," Samantha said softly.
Alice put on her seatbelt silently, unable to argue. Samantha backed up out of the parking spot and drove to their house. When they walked into the house their nostrils filled with the smell of flowers except the smell wasn't as calming as one would think. It reminded them of death. Just a week ago their parents had died in a horrible car crash. None of their relatives wanted to take two grieving sisters in. Samantha had just turned nineteen years old and taken full custody of Alice. The house they used to call their home was now filled with moving boxes and flowers.
"Once we've changed out of these clothes I'll take you to dinner. Wherever you want," said Samantha to her sister.
"I'm not hungry," replied Alice as she walked up the stairs to her room.
"You have to eat, keep up your strength. How about we go to Taco-Bell? You know, like old times," Samantha said, forcing a smile.
"Alright," Said Alice softly, "after we change".
After a few minutes they walked down the stairs in different clothes. Alice walked to the door, holding it open for her sister. Samantha grabbed her keys off the counter-top, and hurried out the door.
Comments2
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactThis would be a lot stronger if Alice's story were in first person, not in third person. Although, yes the audience was not at the funeral, but Samantha was. You'd be confused if your dead sister wrote you a story about an event you both witnessed in third person. Samantha knows her actions, Samantha knows what happened already. If Alice is going to tell a story, she is going to tell in in her point of view, with her feelings and reactions. Otherwise, I'd leave out the letter introduction, start at the paragraph "She stood dressed in black..." and add a sentence explaining this happened in the past.
Also, Taco Bell. Okay it seems strange to me that they'd be at Taco Bell right after their parents funeral. If you elaborate why Taco Bell is significant to them, it won't seem as bizarre.